Positive Reinforcement
When do we need it to continue confidently in our endeavors? When does it become a crutch that prevents us from marching forward?
That's the question I asked myself today, and one I have subconsciously been pondering. I can see both sides. I can see how it can provide that sense of encouragement to keep doing what you're doing or perform greater than your current state. However, I can see how going overboard may hinder someone's ability to learn and grow from the experience. How long do you hold someone's hand? How long do you keep them in the nest before pushing them out? Will they fly, or will life's predators claim them as an easy meal?
Well, I think we, as humans, tend to complicate things. We expect others to know the dialogue in our own minds. We don't communicate nearly as effectively as we like to think we do, even those of us who make communication a way of living. We give half-truths, unnecessary lies, and uncomfortable agreeableness that plunges us into situations we prefer to have nothing to do with. And why do we do this?
Acceptance.
That is the one thing humans desire above all else. Acceptance. One may think it is love, but that is actually secondary when it comes to the emotional and mental aspects of this existence, even spiritual. We want to be accepted by our family, by our friends, by our peers and colleagues, by random people, by God. We want people to accept us, and it is through this desire that most, if not all, struggle arises. The fact of the matter is that the insatiable drive for what we believe will gain us acceptance is the very thing that hinders our progress in this life.
It is true that if one strives to be accepted, they can achieve great things. Perhaps they study hard and get into a good college. They graduate with high honors and acquire a well-paying job. They meet the love of their life, get married, and have children. This would garner acceptance from just about any person. But what if the person in this hypothetical situation actually followed who they were? What if they had subconsciously suppressed what they really wanted to do for the sake of being accepted by the world around them? If this is the case, can any one of us truly pinpoint whether or not the things we did in this life to this moment are really what we wanted to do, or was it because we wanted acceptance?
I'll provide a personal example. I love to write. I discovered this love when I was in elementary school. I became enamored with crafting unique worlds with robust characters. In middle school, I recall having an assignment where we had to write a short story. Most people wrote 2-3 pages tops. I was so excited to share my 10+ page manuscript with the class. When it came time to read my masterpiece, it probably took up nearly half of the class time. My teacher seemed impressed, but my classmates were anything but. There was some groaning and complaints about the length. Looking back, I wonder if the applause I received at the end was simply for the fact that the story was complete.
Fast forward to high school, I recall telling a classmate that I wanted to be an author. He told me that my dream was unrealistic and that I couldn't make a living as an author. His doubt cast a shadow over me, even if I didn't want to admit it. He didn't accept the reality that I could be an author, and I subconsciously ran with it. I adopted that idea, even if it wasn't what I really wanted. My desire for acceptance surpassed my natural authenticity. A part of me broke off that day. I'm not a full-time author today, although I have written many articles, poetry, and even published a poetry book in 2018. For me, I'm still learning to accept my natural inclination to write. I suppressed that inclination for a variety of reasons. Perhaps you can think of some examples of when you desired the acceptance of others over the acceptance of your own authenticity?
You can definitely find yourself in a rabbit hole with this sort of thought. I highly doubt anyone would accept hardened criminals like murderers. We have rules for a reason. Parameters to live by, actions, and personality traits that we accept and those that we do not accept. This, I believe, is entirely necessary for society to function. However, on the day-to-day for the normal individual, I think it is important to ask ourselves whether or not the actions we take are for the acceptance of others or for the acceptance of ourselves and what we want to do.
I don't think everyone can be a rock star at the same time, or an influencer, or enter whatever fantastic-appearing occupation that people desire to be. Society couldn't function in that manner. However, if people did what they truly wanted to do instead of what would give them the most "acceptance," I believe people would fall into their natural positions. Furthermore, I believe God/the Universe is smart enough to have all bases covered so that society/order wouldn't completely crumble. Perhaps I'm naive to believe this, but still, I'd like to think this is a future we should strive for.
I think the best question we can ask ourselves is at what point does the desire for acceptance eclipse our natural authenticity? We all have a threshold to which we will do something in order to make others happy. To go completely in the direction of self-service without regard for the well-being of others is entirely evil. I won't even call it narcissistic because that term is overused in today's society and is an actual diagnosis. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can live perfectly normal lives without their diagnosis impeding upon their ability to get along with others. I won't go into depth about this point, however, I encourage you to read up on this disorder to gain a deeper insight into those that suffer. Here's an article I found that can be helpful: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder
The people who consciously self-serve without any care for how it negatively impacts those around them are evil. However, most of us aren't evil. Some of us just may not be aware. Most of us just want to be accepted. So where is the boundary?
That, I know, is something only you can decide. Self-acceptance is the necessary precursor to self-love. In today's world, especially in the New Age Spiritual circles, self-love is touted as the panacea of all emotional, mental, and spiritual distress. However, oftentimes individuals will find temporary relief when engaging in these practices. The bouts of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, anger, and apathy ultimately will cycle in and out of our lives. Our job is not to get rid of these experiences. Our job, no, our mission, is to learn from these experiences and realize that they are not a permanent reality. You will doubt yourself. You will experience hardship. You will not accept yourself all the time.
And that's okay. Allow those feelings to be. Allow those thoughts to be. Observe them and then let them go. Learn to accept all of what life throws at you. Acceptance is not about being okay with mediocrity. I think there are some people out there that believe that to be the case. Acceptance is the signal to the Universe that the experience is valid in its base form. There's no need to complicate the emotion or thought or action. There's no need to substantiate the reason why. It simply is. When we can get to a place where self-acceptance is more the norm, I believe the love we are all looking for will follow naturally. We cannot skip steps on this journey, although we often try. And the fact of the matter is that acceptance is the number one desire of humanity, so we might as well get with the program.
But who knows, I'm just some guy typing up his thoughts and posting them to the internet. Maybe these words will assist you on your journey. Many of you won't make it to this point in the blog post. That's perfectly okay with me. I accept that.

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